The opinion papers: First installment


Why the world, in my great opinion; which is truly great (great meaning large, not at all fantastic or special); is altogether good and altogether evil. By the way we’ll all be dead in 20 or so odd years anyway so theres no need to stress about the balance of good and evil in the world.

My name is Zane, never trust anything you read by anonymous authors. If they’er afraid to put there name on it, its not worth your time. I come from the west and I settled in the not quite as west, but OK still pretty west. The land I left no longer exists. It seems this is more and more the case. The names stay the same but the people change, and it is the people that make a land what it is. I was once a discordian pope, but lately I’ve been more of a free-lance complainer. I was asked to be the spiritual leader of Zaneism. I said, that I couldn’t in good conscience, be a part any religion that had me for a leader. Thats the back story out of the way; lets get in to the meat of it.

Most people just want to get along. By getting along of course I mean as long as they can believe that they are superior to most other people, they can keep their head down and their mouth shut. We’ll call this group ‘good people’

Other people are not satisfied with merely believing they are superior they have to go out and try to prove it. By going to war, or peddling their religious beliefs on those of us who already have it figured out and are good enuf to keep our mouths shut. We’ll call this group ‘bad people’

As stated above. The world is good and bad altogether. The good people out number the bad people roughly 84,563 to 1. On the other hand the bad people hold every power position in every government in the world. It’s been this way for as long as coffee has come in bean form. The problem, it seems, is that the bad people have finally tiped the scale and the world is heading for hell. Weather or not they had to band together as a group to accomplish this is a matter for debate. (And a matter for another paper.) But do not dispare. As also stated above we’ve only got 20 odd years left.

At least once a week in my local world news (I say “local world news” because world news is not the same all over the world. The bad people also hold tremendous sway in media.) They tell me truthfully, I assume, that #1. the world is heating and in 20 years the surface temperature of the planet may double. #2. The latest strain of the modern tutsi tutsi virus will wipe us all out. #3 As result of the heating there will be terrible floods and earthquakes. #4 The current rate and trend of obesity predicts that in 20 years we will lose the ability to walk, and will have to roll everywhere. #5 The threat of global nuclear war started by an unnamed Arab land doubles every six months. #6 Asteroids!!! I could keep going and I just may, but for now I’ll leave it.

Honestly I was going for incoherent ranting, but ended up with fact-based bull-shit. So, look for the next edition of the opinion papers at your local news stand. You won’t find it there but it might be fun to look anyway. Now with 10% more metaphors. What is 10% of 0 anyway?


Zane Kuoleva

KEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGER KEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGERKEYLOGGER Sometimes I do that just to mess with them.

The Opinion Papers: Paranoia

Maybe I am paranoid, but one can never be too careful. Do I think there is a ‘Keylogger’ on my computer? Yes, I do. Do I think anyone is paying attention? No, I don’t. It would be extremely arrogant and self patronizing to think anyone would really care what I think. Could these listening devices and keyloggers be just another way to steal the copyrighted material coming out of my mouth and fingertips? Damn those E-pirates anyway!!

Mind control, keyloggers, listening devices planted within our digital boxes. Its a terrible thing. I sit here in my one room apartment with my windows blackened against the prying eyes of the CIA operative who lives across the street; naked, save for the hand crafted foil hat which I’ve insulated lovingly with rabbit skin, and I wonder, is it all worth it. Let me say now so there will be no doubt that there are things out there to be wary of and to be mindful of. How far you wish to take it is your own choice. Should I take the film off of my windows and let the world see my nakedness? (The world would answer a resounding, NO!!) But metaphorically many people do. And thats ok too. Maybe you get a little Zink in your ear now and then, but thats what they make soap for.

Of course ,in the matter of mind control, I must admit that for the average man on the street (I’ll refur to him as ‘Everyman’, he’s one of my favorite people.) there's not much danger. Unlike in hollywood they can’t flip a switch and make Everyman beat his kids or commit murder. (That takes months of training) Its more of a indistinct radio wave that makes it difficult to concentrate. Have you ever been thinking of something really important or earthshatering and just lost it? Bingo. Paranoid? I think not.

Many of my friends, um, associates, um; anyway, people I’ve eavesdropped on in the subway, are concerned about all the cameras out there being run by the government. The government declares proudly that with the new facial recognition software they can spot a deviant when-ever and where-ever he might be hiding. There is also vehicle ID cameras so they can watch for the deviant’s car, and track him to all his hiding places. I really don’t know why people are so concerned. Its only the social deviants they’er after. As long as your not a criminal you have nothing to fear. As long as your not a member of an anti-government organization you have nothing to fear. As long as you don’t go on-line and discus your opinions with other like minded people you have nothing to fear. As long as you don’t have ANY opinions you have nothing to fear. Alright, cameras are a little freaky, but what can you do?

Remember, my paranoid brethren, the worst thing they can do is kill you. (OK torture is always an option, but in the end your just dead.) When you look at it that way is kind of freeing. I chose foil for purity of mind, but if they want to take my picture on the street; I smile for the camera.

Zane Kuoleva

con·nive (k-nv)
intr.v. con·nived, con·niv·ing, con·nives
1. To cooperate secretly in an illegal or wrongful action; collude: The dealers connived with customs officials to bring in narcotics.
2. To scheme; plot.
3. To feign ignorance of or fail to take measures against a wrong, thus implying tacit encouragement or consent: The guards were suspected of conniving at the prisoner's escape.



The Opinion Papers: Conivery and Collusion

People on a whole seem to disregaurd anything with the word conspiracy attached to it. So this is the one and only time I will use it today. Itstead I want to assert that the leaders of the world might be conniving or possibly colluding with one another.

If the leader in the west, we’ll call him “Howard Shrub” wanted to take over the world, but wanted to avoid being seen as a power hungry national expansionist, he might in list the help of the eastern and the somwhat-eastern leaders. The leader in the somwhat-east, we’ll call him “M. Arm-in-a-cast” could see the possibility for not only personal wealth, but hero status and world wide respect by playing the role of adversary. With out adversaries there can be no gain by conflict. With out adversaries there can be no global consolidation by regiening in the “evil forces.” The same exact scenario applies the the leader in the east; “I. Feel Ill”. Fame, fortune, and a historic legacy for standing up to the world power. I would do it too if they gave me a chance.

But what of “Sadman Who’s-sane” Many of you will stop reading right now when I say this but I’m willing to take that chance. He’s rich, he’s a world famous martyr, and history will be very kind to him (considering his bloody record); and he didn’t every have to die to do it. Thats right. I said it, not dead. “But Zane, I saw the ‘leaked’ video on the net...” I saw Bruce Willis bring down a 747 safely in his bare feet too...

I’m telling you now that the leaders (plural) of the west are in collusion with the leaders of the “evil axis” in a show of the greatest proportions. The outcome of this farcical production will be the consolidation of power within a very small group of people. Its so very obvious, I shouldn’t even have to write it down. Don’t you see it too!! I mean, when you watch a movie and you see the plot unfolding in front of you, you say “Hey, I know whats comming next!” Don’t you know whats comming next? Well, actually I don’t either. It’s like a really good movie. I can see whats happening, but I really can’t guess whats on the horizon. But I’ll bet you a lunch that its not good.

Fuck man, I think this ones done. I’ve spelled it out for you, it was relativity funny. OK, it’s true, I’ve had alittle to drink tonight, but whats left to say? If you don’t get it, you don’t get it.

Good luck, or get Fucked.



Zane Kuoleva